craigslisting

Sweaty Clothes

Andrew has a fluid-filled adventure.  Bring a mop or a bucket or a broom or something… -A.L.

Ghost Writer

Still waiting for this guy to get back to me about my book proposal. (If anyone steals this proposal I am going to be really pissed, so don’t, please.) -A.L.

Hypnosis Student

Dr. Peterson almost got a new hypnosis student… -A.L.

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PREVIOUSLY: Wall Art

(Thanks to reader “Comeback Kid” for the tip.  Send potential adventures to: repletewithadrian@gmail.com)

Unhappily Married

Andrew is back! -A.L.

Revenge, Craigslist Style

My friend Jesse was wronged by his girlfriend.  He decided to do the emotionally healthy thing and get over her… right after he sold all of her instruments on Craigslist. (Hi, Jesse’s ex-girlfirend!) -A.L.

THE OFFERS:

THE SALE:

What bitter coins were traded for revenge?  Here’s Jesse:

Scam targeted at asians who want to be slaves

So I responded to an ad and it turned out to be just a scam targeted at Asians who want to be slaves.  A revolutionary new marketing strategy?

-A.L.

(Thanks to Kenneth for tipping me off to this post.  If you find any good posts please email: repletewithadrian@gmail.com)

Here is the email I got back from “Amanda,” annotated to show my thoughts as I read the email:

1. You want to put an enormous strap-on inside of my small, Asian body.   What else do I need to know?
2. I know of a really great nickle arcade that we can go to after the strap-on thing.
3. This sounds like a believable thing that a woman would email to me.
4. Maybe you should buy a smaller bed?  Unless you have a really big bedroom, then that might be kind of weird and echo-y?
5. Does it still count as “getting laid” if the only part of you that touches me is a prosthetic penis?
6. I’m interviewing potential slave mistresses at five, seven and eight but I’m totally free besides that.
7. Wait, I said I was free tomorrow!  I can cancel the other interviews!
8. Nah, let’s just meet tomorrow.
9. Wait a second…
10. This… this was all a scam? But… I love you, Amanda.
11. :(

from www.reallocalgirlshere.com

Kids say the darndest things

I don’t like kids very much, but the other day I contributed to this guy’s book about funny things kids say.  And they do say some funny things!

-A.L.

Cornucopia Hat

Now, this is a hat.  I’ve found these hats are good for a lot of things including:

• Thanksgiving.
• Thanksgiving-themed parties.
• Getting crows to land on your head.

-A.L.

READER CHALLENGE: We made an army

Comrades:  Good job with the Reader Challenge.  We just gave our country a massive and well-equipped submarine to use in the Underwater War on Drugs or whatever they’re calling it these days.  According to my made up calculations, we sent Militiaman over seven hundred applications for his anti-drug squadron:

(full post here)

APPLICATIONS TO JOIN THE MILITIA

Emilio sent in this application from a deceased Vietnam Vet:

Kevin is Eastern European:

“Get” brags about his weapons skills:

Bobby meets all the requirements:

Nick gets serious:

Miguel gets bonus points for writing in ALL CAPS:

Andrew is not the best candidate:

Patrick did some calculations:

And I offer my experience in the broom manufacturing industry:

Good job, guys.  Also, Militiaman discovered my reader challenge and put up a really cool post about it.  He called me a “communist/liberal,” which is really insulting to me.  I am definitely not a liberal.

-A.L.

P.S. If you sent me an application and I didn’t put it on the website, sorry.

READER CHALLENGE: Abort mission

READER CHALLENGE UPDATE: OK, men (and a few women).  Commenter Pete says Militiaman is onto us—and, apparently, he doesn’t appreaciate all the interest in his organization.  He never even responded to my email!  It’s like you can’t even volunteer for a paramilitary organization these days without someone getting all paranoid on you.

This mission is officially ending today; we’re coming home.  Go here and complete the challenge if you haven’t already.  Then send me your applications to repletewithadrian@gmail.com and I will put the good ones on this website.  And good luck kicking out those Mexicans by yourself, dude.

-A.L.